Yesterday, I was talking to Sunny for a good 5 hours. Well towards the end, our conversation went from being silly and random to really meaningful stuff like about the people we know and our concerns about them and their personalities, religion and different philosophical concepts that our tiny 19 year old brains tried the best to make out of. At the end Sunny asked me what was love? She knew what love was, but she didn't quite understand the love that was being shared between man and woman. The feelings that I had for the specific person that I did. And I told her that it was mainly two things about the guy (or a girl if you are a guy): Lust, and the willingness to spend the rest of your life with that person.
I told her that I honestly believe that love is the same regardless of who you love whether it be your family, friends or your lover. I told her that in the end, love itself is that you care deeply for that person. You think about that person, you worry for them if something happens to them, and you'll do your best to help them when the situation arises.
So she asked me: "Then what's the whole point and big deal of liking someone? Like a guy?"
I told her what I will tell you guys now. When you love someone in the lover way, its nothing different, but the feeling of "Oh, I want to sleep with him, and touch him, and let him touch me." But it's also that you want to spend the rest of your life with him. See, you love your friends, your families, but you want to leave them after a certain period of time. You won't be together till the end of your days. You might still keep in contact and meet up, but not spend your almost every waking and sleeping hours with them. That's the difference. With the person you love as a lover, you want to spend the rest of your days with. You guys are compatible enough to let it be so.
So when you "fall for someone" or "fall in love" it isn't a first sight thing, though it can be. So girls, when your guy is good with kids and he's very loving to them, and you feel your heartstrings vibrate and think "he might be the one." it basically means "I might be able to spend the rest of my life with him." Or guys, when you and your girl is sitting on the couch enjoying a video game and eating pizza, it might hit you that "I can probably spend the rest of my life with this person.", that's the difference!!! Its that feeling mixed with lust that we call LOVE between lovers. In the end though, you''ll risk your life for you lover as you would with a dear friend or a family member. LOVE itself is the same. But the.. connection is different? There is no such thing as "I love more". Love is love, just as hate is hate and pain is pain.
I think the reason why "love" becomes such a big deal is because of the media that is associated with it. There are the holidays like Valentines day and than the anniversaries like your yearly or monthly or things like that. They blow it up, and make it sound like its the greatest thing in the world and the only thing that keeps some people going. Love is wonderful. But feeling happy that you found the best friend who will stick with you through thick and thin is the same feeling of finding someone you will be able to spend the rest of your life with. Its the feeling of mutual caring that is wonderful. Lust just magnifies the other. If it was normal to sleep with your friend, I'm sure we would think that friendship is better.
Here's an example why society and lust changes things. During the ancient Greek times, they believed the relationship between man and man were more important. At least a famous Greek philosopher described that. I can't remember who, I don't want to dig up my old history book. The Spartans believed that as well. Women was a necessity, but the relationship between the men were far more valuable. That might also explain why gays were much more common during that time era and area. I even told my gay friend this who had some issues about his homosexuality, but that's another issue all together that I'll address another day.
I don't know if my point went across but I'll finish with my last example. The guy I like Brian, if you logically think about isn't that great. He smokes, doesn't think about his grades too much, might do drugs, hangs out with shady people, and is mainly loud obnoxious and annoying. Then why do I like him? Simple!
That one fateful day when I sat with him and had a normal conversation, and he kindly made sure to keep his cigarette out of my face was the answer! That fateful day, the "eek moment" showed that: 1) Even when he was normally annoying and obnoxious, when it was just the two of us, he was very normal and the conversations was very pleasant and 2) That he was considerate and had enough noon chee (sharpness, perceptiveness) to realize that I didn't smoke, and I was the type that probably didn't tolerate it, which he was dead on right.
To me that's very important in a relationship. That a guy has enough noon chee to know when to talk and when to not and such. And I also put a lot of importance in being able to hold a casual conversation about nothing. To me, that's the recipe of a successful relationship with anybody. Grades and ability to succeed in society is important as well, but its not everything because its something that I think I can take care of myself. I'm independent enough to think that I don't need the guy to do everything for us to live. I can pull my own weight! So the reason why I fell for him and not Sunny (who has mainly these qualities as well) is because I thought he was attractive when I first laid my eyes on him. I'm attracted to the male population and he had an ascetically pleasing appearance to me. Lust is an important factor as well!
So all you gals and gents out there and specifically Sunny who is very clueless about this I'll tell you this: When you like someone, you automatically think he's the ONE. The "kyaaa" moment is basically the realization. The dating process is to see for sure if he is the person you want to be with and possibly marry and live together till "death do us part".
All lovers are basically scientists when dating. They are trying to prove their statement of love and undying loyalty wrong and if they can't be proved wrong, it becomes a theory, law, or in this case, love.
Hope I helped clarify things for you guys.
~Kira
